Hey Reader, when was the first time you knew your life was your own?
Someone asked me that once and my first answer was I ALWAYS knew my life was my own, because a part of me absolutely did. That very independent, very determined “I do it myself” little one who knew what she wanted and had no problem stomping her foot for it.
Oh, believe me – she’s still in there, but the more I thought about the question, the more I realized I stopped trusting that confident, knowing little spit-fire part of me when I was really young.
I remember when I was 27 and remodeling my first house – I was running samples of floor colors and wallpaper by my mom and she said, “Oh, you don’t want a dark floor.” I can still remember how it felt in my body. I was taken aback a little – not because she offered her opinion, but because it actually registered that someone else was telling what I didn’t want!
It smacked me awake a little. I don’t know, maybe that was my brain finally fully forming (as happens about that age), but it hit me that I’d never actually trusted myself and my own opinion as much as I trusted hers.
And right there in that moment, I declared outloud for the first time in my life (or at least in a long time) that I absolutely DID want a dark floor!
It might sound silly in light of the big, deep healing breakthroughs I’ve experienced in my life, but the truth is, that was a huge turning point. I took back a piece of myself I hadn’t even realized I was smooshing.
That’s what happens when we stop trusting ourselves – we default to what others want for us. And despite their best intentions, no one knows better what’s true for us than we do.
That’s one of the reasons I’m so passionate about this work, because it brings us back to our true Self, where all the knowing, all the gifts, all the authenticity lives – and allows us to live it on the outside.
And I got that dark floor, btw – and the dark green wallpaper – and gorgeous apple red sink! It was dreamy. Even mom loved it! 😊
So, when WAS the first time you knew your life was your own? And when did you stop trusting that?
If that question lit you up a little on the inside, I can help you find that little spit-fire part of YOU and bring her all the way home.
