I stumbled on the concept of Codependency in the mid 90’s and it changed my life. I’d been on my teaching/guiding path for a few years and THIS – this was not THAT. This wasn’t anything I’d come in contact with before and it blew the doors open! I dug in and dug deep – I practiced new things, grieved old things, grew, dug some more, let more go, found more ME. The shift I felt was palpable and I remember thinking “everybody needs to know about this!” And that was it – I commenced to creating my very first course and called it LETTING GO™.
Although at the time, Codependency seemed to be rooted in relationships to addicts and alcoholics, I knew even that there was more to it. I had students in my circles who had never been in relationship to either, yet shared the same Codependent qualities as those who had. I continued to guide that work for 3 decades and just in the last few years, something deeper and truer crystalized in my experience: Codependency is rooted in shame.
Yes, SHAME! If we trace our Codependent patterns all the way back to their original source, I promise you – we’ll find shame. Shame disguises itself in a lot of ways – Abandonment Trauma, Insecure Attachment, Trauma Bonding – all rooted in shame and all share Codependent qualities. Getting in and STAYING in toxic relationships – shame. Anger, control, caretaking, people pleasing – all shame. Deficiency (negative) beliefs about ourselves – shame. Shadow Self – shame. I could go on, but the bottom line is this: Heal the SHAME – heal the Codependency!
