My daughter and son-in-law just bought a big, beautiful new home and their 2-year old had a really hard time for a couple of weeks. She just couldn’t get settled and kept saying she wanted to go home. She has a lovely new room, a big playroom with all her toys, and tons of space to run and play, but she just wanted the familiar safety of the only home she’d ever known.
I totally get that.
When I was 15, my dad built a big, beautiful new house for US. Five kids, all teens or tweens by this point, who’d lived our entire childhood with our parents in a 3BR/1BTH 1100 square foot house. One bathroom. Seven people. Let that sink in. 😕
It was definitely an upgrade. I was getting my very own room AND my own bathroom I wouldn’t have to share with three gross boys, and I still did NOT want to move. In fact, I came home from my job at KFC one night and they’d moved my entire room to the new house! I was not a happy camper, but I know now that was probably the only way they were getting me outta there. I eventually loved it, but I definitely needed the nudge.
Change is haaaaard, but we have to grow to thrive and change is just part of it. It can feel scary and unfamiliar, disorienting even – and it comes with grief, even when it’s an upgrade to something better.
I see this all the time in my work. People reach out when they’re tired of feeling stuck, or triggered, or their relationship is struggling, and they finally see a way through – and then life gets full and the budget gets tight and it’s just not the right time.
I get it. I really do. And after 30 years doing this, what I hear underneath that is: I’m scared. The pain I know feels safer than what I don’t know. I’m tolerating it okay for now. It’s really not that bad – I don’t want to stir it up again.
And that’s how they keep themselves stuck, while the ready ones are asking when they can start!
Here’s what I know: we always find a way to do the things we want to do. It’s the scary things like letting go of something familiar (even when it’s toxic), taking responsibility for our life, or evolving back into who we really ARE – that we don’t want to do. Even when it’s an upgrade to something better.
⁕ We hold onto what’s familiar, because familiar is predictable and predictable is safe.
If you sit with that – really sit with it – you’ll see it too. I did, way back in the day, and it was undeniable. And also incredibly f***ing empowering.
