Years ago when I talked about codependency, a lot of people reacted like I’d asked them to smell a dirty sock! I get it. Nobody wanted to claim it. But that’s because of what we think it means, not what it actually IS.
I dug out this little checklist – you know, in case you’re wondering:
You might be codependent if…
…you’ve ever thought that if someone else would just CHANGE, you’d be happy
…you’ve rescued someone emotionally or physically, only to later resent them for needing to be rescued in the first place
…you say yes when you mean no, no when you mean yes, have no idea WHAT you mean, and wonder why people don’t get you
…you’re angry, scared, or lonely and can’t tell which is which anymore
…you question your own decisions the second someone disagrees with you
…you’ve stopped trying to be heard and just keep your feelings to yourself
…the oldie-but-goodie 70’s hit Love Hurts is one of your favorites 😉
If you just said YES to any of those, welcome to the club, Love. We’re a big one.
These are symptoms, but here’s the root of it:
Codependency is what happens when we learn to look outside ourselves for love, acceptance, approval, validation, yada, yada – instead of finding it within. That’s it. That’s the whole thing. And almost every one of us learned to do it, because almost none of us were taught any differently.
When I realized I was codependent, I didn’t feel shame. I felt like I’d found GOLD. It made everything make sense – every pattern, every relationship, every time I’d abandoned myself to keep someone else comfortable. It wasn’t a character flaw. It was a belief system I’d inherited, and belief systems can change.
That’s what this work is really about, Love. Not fixing what’s wrong with you, but coming back to what was always true about you.
