I know, I know – it’s Valentine’s Day, but let’s talk about what it really takes to make things work in love, can we?
It takes communication. A lot of it. And it’s hard. And we don’t always do it with a lot of grace when we’re stressed or anxious or triggered – or when we feel misunderstood or not seen or heard, or when the world’s in chaos. Am I right?
Well, you’re not alone, my friend – we’re all trying to unlearn some not-great communication habits we picked up along the way. It’s not ALL we need to grow healthy relationships – Self-love is essential as well – but good communication goes a long way in not losing WHO WE ARE in our relationships with others.
So, as a Valentine gift for you, I’ve put together some of my favorite communication tips that will help you feel more connected, understood, and at peace with anybody – including yourSelf.
If you’ve worked with me before, this will be a great refresher, but if not, do let me know if you have questions about how to use them.
3 TIPS FOR COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY AND AUTHENTICALLY
1. Investigate: Investigate your triggers! Reactions are never from the present moment – they are always a ‘re-enactment’ of a wounding or trauma from the past. If you find that you’re reacting habitually or ending up in the same argument over and over, you’re stuck in a triggered cycle of communication. Table the conversation and do the work with your Child Self to understand the trigger and regulate the emotion. Then step back into your Adult to have the conversation. (Please reach out for help with this one!)
2. Practice the 3 Vs: Vulnerability. Validation. Value.
Be Vulnerable: Listen to the feedback you’re receiving, regardless of how difficult it may be to hear. Breathe. Be Brave. THIS is vulnerability. Validate: Seek to understand, not agree. Put yourself in the others’ perspective to see from their view. Validation is not agreement – it’s simply recognizing another’s perception may be different from your own. Be Valuable: If you’ve allowed yourSelf to be Vulnerable and you’ve Validated the other, then offer Value. This may be an explanation, an apology, an acknowledment, a suggestion, a perspective, a boundary, an opinion, etc.
3. Tell the truth under the Truth: When you need to be honest with someone but it’s a difficult conversation to have, begin by telling the truth about that. “I need to talk to you about something and I’m really uncomfortable.” or “I feel awkward saying this…” or “I’m really nervous and I need to tell you something.” This gives the other person the opportunity to meet you in vulnerability and not only hear you, but support you.
Keep in mind, these tools help us communicate authentically for sure, but we also get to do the work to know who that True Self is. If you’re not sure what I mean or you haven’t had the chance to explore that yet, let’s talk! Just schedule a free Discovery call with me to see if this work feels like a good fit.
In the meantime, let me know how these tips work for you!
