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Codependency: It’s Not What It Used To Be

By May 1, 2019 May 25th, 2019 No Comments

You MIGHT be Codependent if…

Codependency: It’s Not What it Used to Be! You MIGHT be Codependent if…

…you’ve ever heard yourself think or say, “If you love me, you will…..”

…you’ve ever thought that if someone else would just CHANGE, you’d be happy. …you’ve rescued another person, emotionally or physically, only to later resent and judge them for needing to be rescued in the first place!

…you’ve been possessive, obsessive, and felt like you were LOSING YOUR MIND
over someone or something you didn’t like that much to begin with.

…your entire life feels out of control when you can’t have what (or WHO) you want

…you sacrifice your own needs and wants for the needs and wants of others.

….you have to get angry to be heard

…you’ve stopped trying to be heard

…you’re angry, scared, or lonely and can’t tell which is which anymore.

…you say yes when you mean no; NO when you mean yes; have no idea WHAT you
mean, and wonder why people don’t “get” you …

OR … you sing the lyrics to the old love song “Love Hurts” in the shower!

If you answered a resounding “YES!” to any of these statements, you just might be codependent.

We chuckle at the obvious, but Codependency is NO JOKE! It is host to some of the most common, destructive, unhealthy, and unconscious habits and behaviors we do as human beings.

In reality, Codependency is simply the faulty paradigm that the source of our love and worthiness exists externally. When we believe our source of love resides in others, we become dependent on them for love, acceptance, approval, acknowledgement, affection, attention, validation, etc, and in our dependency, we seek out others to help us feel “whole”, creating “co” dependency. This happens in relationships of all kinds, be it intimate, parent/child, friendship, coworkers, or the world at large and is completely unconscious for most of us. But, it’s time to wake up!

To be Interdependent is to live and practice the conscious awareness that our sense of Love and Self worth is derived from within. To be inter-dependent is to be “internally dependent” on our own capacity for love, validation, and acceptance, rather than externally dependent on others to fulfill us. Just as we learn to walk, talk, and feed our bodies as we grow, we must also learn to honor, validate, and nurture our Souls or we will remain dependent on others, losing pieces of our True Self along the way. This is that subtle “something’s missing” feeling we often get, because we’ve lost touch with our True source. The task now is to find and embrace those aspects of Self and remember who we are…from the inside out. When we are complete within ourselves, we are at peace.

If you’ve not yet explored this aspect of your personal/spiritual growth, or at least not explored it from this perspective, I highly recommend it as an empowering, enlightening, and often very entertaining process!


“Doubling your standards does not make them higher” — Kate Bares-Cochrun

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